Are Diners Being Unreasonable at Restaurants?

Dear Pros,

You've got Kat this week, finally emerging from the oyster and bourbon frenzy of the second annual Food & Wine Classic in Charleston. I had a chance to catch up with some of the most delightful folks in the biz, including 2019 F&W Sommeliers of the Year Miles White and Femi Oyediran, 2025 Drinks Visionaries Ann Marshall and Scott Crawford, and newly minted diner co-owner Phil Rosenthal, who joined me for a live recording of Tinfoil Swans that you'll hear on December 9.

But in the whirl of it all, I missed the chance to nab Andrew Zimmern to chat about his thoughtful Substack response to Francie restaurant owner John Winterman's F&W Pro story, "The Real-Life Limits of 'Unreasonable Hospitality.'" (Originally titled "Will Guidara Ruined My Life," with Guidara's permission.) In it, the 30-plus-year restaurant veteran explores the blast radius of Guidara's blockbuster book and his contributions as a producer on The Bear, and the ways both the book and show have shaken expectations of what a meal at a fine-dining restaurant ought to be.

No longer are meticulously executed food, drink, and service sufficient in some guests' estimation, says Winterman. They're expecting — and sometimes demanding — over-the-top gestures that might be feasible at some of the places where he honed his hospitality chops (Restaurant Daniel, Charlie Trotter's, Gary Danko), but that a Michelin one-starred, independently owned restaurant like Francie simply can't pull off.

"Unexpected grand gestures are amazing," Winterman wrote. "They are just not realistic, either financially or because of the time and staff involved to make them happen." Yet guests still occasionally complain after the fact, emailing, "Maybe I had watched too many episodes of The Bear, but …"

Zimmern, "stunned" by Winterman's take, responded on his Substack Spilled Milk with a rejection of the premise that a book or a TV show could have that seismic an impact on real-world dining. Rather, he posited, "It's the algorithm's fault. Instead of sighing over Guidara's book sales, it might be more productive to remember why his ideas landed so well in the first place."

"They reminded people that service is not a form of servitude," he continued. "It is a form of connection. That is what the author of the article misses. He sees unreasonable hospitality as a set of demands inflicted on him by viewers and readers with unrealistic expectations. I see it as a set of invitations — not to grandiosity, but to grace."

And here's where I want to serve up a heaping helping of such. Both of these men are dear friends of mine, and I think they're actually more aligned than they seem. Acknowledging that the extravagant gestures of bespoke snowstorms and tweely plated local pizza depicted on The Bear (and inspired by Guidara's real-life service at Eleven Madison Park) are outliers, both Winterman and Zimmern see restaurant service as a vocation and an opportunity to add minor magic to a guest's day and make them feel truly seen — often in ways that cost little or nothing. It could be as simple as remembering someone's drink order from their last visit, having the kitchen bring a cookie to a regular's kid, or — as I've seen happen time and again at Winterman's restaurants — making a custom place card when he knows a fellow Hoosier will be dining. The pyrotechnics might make for viral moments, but it's the little sparks like these that keep the glow of hospitality going.

Pros, I invite you to read both stories and let us all know where you stand on the state of diners' expectations. And Andrew, I invite you to join me at Francie, where you and John can hash it all out over roast duck and a Silver Fox cheese plate. Maybe Will can even drop by, and the whole thing can go on my house account. I think that's only reasonable.

Hospitably yours,
Kat

p.s. F&W Pro contributor Darron Cardosa's Christmas horror film / restaurant industry satire We're So Dead is newly available on streaming as well as at special screenings across the country.