shinestyApr 15, 2024, 10:46 PM

An Important Message For All Taxpayers

cha-ching! ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏

Treat Yo'Self On Tax Day

First off, if you are just hearing today is tax day...stop reading this and file for an extension here immediately.

For everyone else, if you are not spending your tax refund on something below you might as well invest in a cemetery plot or a Kickstarter product: two things you'll never enjoy while alive.

1) Walk Alone Metal Detector Sandals

You will never get laid again, but nothing fills the void of love like collecting old wedding rings, keys to a 1999 Geo Tracker, and the occasional gold tooth.

Booty Or Bullion

2) Send a Bag of Dicks to the IRS

Getting a $20 check from the IRS is like a 1-minute sexual encounter. You still get some, but it could have been a lot better. Since you did all that work for practically nothing, here is your chance to tell them how you really feel. Here's its address:

Department of the Treasury
Internal Revenue Service Center
Austin, TX 73301-0215

Don't Worry, It's Sent Anonymously

3) Invest in a Lifetime Supply of Lube

If this ISN’T a lifetime supply of lube, then we salute you.

Wet Your Whistle

4) Ride The Sumo Tube

Nothing quite like hot, nasty speed to bring in Summer. Ideally, you drive the boat while your friends get dragged behind and swallow half of Lake Powell.

Has Anyone Seen My Shoulders?

5) Blow It On Us...

Put the fun back in refund & treat yourself to comfortable underwear with designs that’ll put a smile on your face.

Let The Government Buy You Something Nice

STAY WEIRD & CATCH IT

If you're down here looking for advice, I can't help you, we're all misfits here.

2930 Umatilla St. #400 Denver, CO 80211
We hope you aren't down here to click this: unsubscribe

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