I’m officially scared of our resident GenZer.

Jun 2, 2025, 11:03 PM•shinesty

Shinesty | Naturally I thought what better way of bringing you into our sausage factory than by showing you how the sausage is made.

Meet Nathalie, our Gen Z production coordinator who dots all the is and crosses the ts for our photoshoots. She’s also Shinesty’s first ever Employee of the Month (because that’s how I bribed her into writing this email).

We present “Nathalie’s Not-So-Optimistic Outlook On Summer” horoscopes:

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22): Let go of fearing judgement and you’ll find yourself living a much more authentic life.The world is your oyster, and by oyster I mean over priced and tastes like shit. So you deserve to find peace and you deserve some baby back ribs. | ♈ Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19): Today, you’re feeling confident. So get out there and strut your stuff! Let down your hair, show off them legs girl, maybe even openly fart in public and blame it on someone's grandma, cause why not?

♓ Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20): Your dreams are a gateway to your inner thoughts and subconscious. Unfortunately for you, your dreams are like kind of messed up dude and you should probably keep them to yourself cause, ew gross. | ♉Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Looking into your past, can bring forth future growth - Like remember that one time you hit on the your son’s little league umpire and said during the 7th inning stretch? That was embarrassing, slightly iconic, but mostly embarrassing.

♊Gemini (May 21 – June 20): You're feeling extra social today, which is great because you also feel like talking shit behind literally everyone's back. Embrace the duality, gossip goblin. ♋Cancer (June 21 – July 22): You're ruled by the moon and currently spiraling because someone liked your message but didn’t respond. Cry in the bathtub, then emerge like a soggy phoenix ready to love again by lunchtime.

♌Leo (July 23 – August 22): You are the moment. Unfortunately, the moment is delusional, dramatic, and wearing three layers of animal print to Trader Joe’s. But hey—serve. ♎ Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22): Life’s a lot right now. Protect your peace by cutting out the chaos. Drama-starting friends? Blocked. Your boss with “urgent” tasks? Blocked. That overdue bill from the doctor’s office? BLOCKED. Guard your energy, baddie.

♏Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Today you feel sad, but why be sad when you could get mad? Get revenge on those who wronged you, seize the enemy traitors who hath brought darkness upon you. Whoever told you to “take the high road” is a lair, revenge is far more satisfying. #slayorbeslayed ♐Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): The journey is the destination; yours just happens to never leave the couch. But hey, boredom isn’t a problem when there are at least 21 seasons (and counting) of Grey's Anatomy to binge. Seriously though, how is this show still going? What else could they possibly cover at this point??

♑Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): You overthink everything, so today go outside and see the world, maybe even “Touch grass” as the youth say. BUT DO NOT, under any circumstances, go outside and eat the thing that rhymes with “grass.” ♒Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): You're feeling mysterious, magnetic, and like you'd totally fake your own death just to see who posts on your Facebook and who doesn’t.

Stay Dangerously Comfortable

Stay Weird & My boss made me use this gif

This extremely tasteful, hand crafted, organic, non-gmo, vegan, gluten free email was designed by Car and written by Nathalie and Smooches

Editors Note - I wanted to edit this down a bit, but GenZers terrify me so I let Picasso paint with this one. I always think they’re going to make me lick white dog shit like that scene in Step Brothers. Especially after I read Scorpios reading.

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